


Grief and Comfort

by st_mick



Series: Niffler [16]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: But it works out much better this time..., Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Healthy expression of anger and agression, M/M, Yes - it's more angry sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 14:26:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_mick/pseuds/st_mick
Summary: During their quiet days of rest, Jack begins to mourn his brother, with Ianto's help and comfort.  And if that comfort happens to involve making sure everyone remembers their safe words this time, well...  It's fun to watch Draco blush when he spots the love bites...





	Grief and Comfort

It was ten hours later when Jack and Ianto finally began to stir.  Still tangled up in one another, they woke slowly, with a caress here, a nuzzle there.  Soft words and quiet purrs were interrupted as they both realized that the bed curtains were open, and they were not alone in the room. 

Draco looked up over his book to see a gun and a wand pointed at him.  He arched an eyebrow and said, “If you shoot or curse me, Professor McGonagall will be quite cross.”

“Can’t say it’d do much for you, either,” Jack muttered, putting the gun down.  “What time is it?”

“After eight.  I was going to wake you at nine, if you didn’t come around, on your own.  How are you feeling?”

Jack looked to Ianto, wanting him to respond, first.  Ianto climbed out of the bed, stretching.  “Is there tea?”  He reached for a t-shirt, tossing one to Jack as he padded across the room.

Draco grinned and handed him a cup.  “Winky just brought it up.  Jack, I wasn’t sure how you took yours.”

“I’ve got it,” Ianto murmured, setting down his cup and quickly preparing Jack’s tea.  Jack was beside him by the time he was finished.  He took the cup and kissed Ianto on the cheek.  At his raised eyebrow, Ianto rolled his head, then his shoulders.  He picked up his tea and took a sip, savoring it as he considered.  “Still strange.  Still tired.  A lot less sore than I was.”

Jack nodded towards Ianto’s chest.  “Your bruises are already fading.”

Ianto tested out his left shoulder.  “It feels a lot better.”

“You’re healing faster, now,” Draco pointed out.

Ianto nodded.  “Suppose so.  Still seems like a dream, except I feel so… different.”

“Good different, or bad different?” Draco asked, waving his wand and casting spells to assess Ianto’s state, and then Jack’s.

Ianto drank more tea.  “It’s not bad, but it’s so different, I feel like I’m going to come out of my skin, any moment.”

“That’s normal,” Draco said.  “And I think I can help with it.”

“How do you know what’s normal?” Ianto asked, curious.  He was fairly certain this was new territory for all of them, and he stated as much.  Jack pulled him into his lap, and they sat and drank their tea as Draco called Winky and requested dinner.

“Well, Hermione, Madame Pomfrey, Healer Metcalf, and I have spent today doing some research.”

“Hermione, research?  Surely you jest,” Ianto said ironically.  Jack gave his hip a swat as Draco laughed.

“I know it’s difficult to imagine.  We found several instances of wizards and witches whose magic was re-anchored, for one reason or another.  In every case, there was anxiety, even if the magic was more stable, after.”

“Is it permanent?” Ianto asked, frowning.

“The anchoring, or the anxiety?” Draco asked, wondering if worrying about the former was adding to the latter, for Ianto.

“Both,” Ianto shrugged.

“The anchoring is more stable than anything I’ve ever seen,” Draco admitted.  “So I don’t think you need to worry about that _not_ being permanent.  As for the anxiety, in every case we found, it passed within weeks.  It only took a few months, in the most flighty of the patients, and that’s not you, my friend.”  He looked at Jack.  “How about you?  Any anxiety?”

Jack shrugged.  “Haven’t been awake that much.  And have had some other things on my mind,” he trailed off, wanting to speak about the Year with Ianto, but not until they were alone.  And he certainly didn’t want to talk to Draco about his own apprehension around the gaps in Ianto’s memory, even if he intended to mention the gaps, themselves.  “But yes,” he admitted.  "There’s been a strange sensation, almost like seasickness, or at the very least the disorientation you feel when there’s a sea change."

Draco nodded.  “We’ve added some things to your sleeping potion that should help with that.  Same symptoms make it easier to treat you, both,” he grinned, setting out two more blue bottles.  “At least in theory.  I brought boosters, for each of you.”

“Boosters?” Jack asked.

“The blue phial is for you, Jack.  It’s helpful with grief.  The yellow phial is for our resident ‘puff, of course.”

“And what is it for?” Ianto asked, curious.

“It’s an additional calming agent, but only if you feel you need it.  You seem to be your usual, unflappable self, so I think you can forego it, but please take it if your distress gets any worse than it is, now.”

“I wouldn’t really call it distress, at the moment,” Ianto said, frowning.

“That’s good.  Let’s keep it that way.”

Ianto turned to Jack.  “How are you really, Jack?”

“Not quite as numb, but not quite to the point where it’s hit me, just yet.”

“That was a lot that happened, in a very short period of time,” Draco said.  “Just remember to be patient with yourselves.  And rest.  Take advantage of this time, in this place.”

Jack hesitated, then kissed Ianto’s temple as he spoke.  “Ianto has some blanks in his memory of last night.  Luna says he’ll remember, but I wasn’t sure if that might be because you’ll give him something to help, or if he just will, on his own.”

Draco smiled.  “She told me about it when I checked in on her this morning.  She’s fine, Ianto,” he added quickly before Ianto could ask.  “Honestly, everyone who was exposed to the vortex has reported feeling particularly well, today.  I plan on checking in on Owen and Toshiko tomorrow, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Jack smiled.

Draco waved him off.  “Anyway, Luna told me about it, so I added some things in to the potions for overwhelm – figured it wouldn’t do you any harm, Jack, from what she told me about your conversation, this morning.”

Ianto looked at Jack curiously, but all he did was kiss the younger man, again.

Winky brought their dinner, and as they ate – with Ianto still perched on Jack’s knee, much to Draco’s amusement – they kept the conversation as general as possible.  It was too soon to speak of the previous day’s events, and Ianto clearly wasn’t quite ready to talk about the aftermath, at least not until he was more used to things.

Draco left them soon after, with instructions to divide the potions into two doses again and sleep as much as possible.  “I’ll check in on you again tomorrow evening,” he promised.  Following his instructions, they drank their potions, with Jack drinking his booster, as well.  Then they undressed and returned to bed, barely an hour after leaving it.

***

They had not closed the bed curtains, so Ianto was able to see that the dawn was just beginning to lighten the sky when he woke to see Jack watching him sleep. 

“Hey,” he smiled, stretching.  “Been awake long?”

Jack shook his head.  “Just woke up.  I think me sitting up to look at you is what actually woke you.”

“Mmmm,” Ianto stretched, noticing that his body felt pretty much healed.  He kissed Jack on the nose and got out of bed, padding to the bathroom to use the facilities and brush his teeth.  He and Jack kissed as they passed in the doorway when he came back out.

Ianto did not feel hungry, and was hoping to sleep a bit longer, so he crawled back in bed, finding the warmth where he and Jack had been sleeping, earlier.  Jack crawled back in bed, seeking Ianto’s warmth.  Castles were all fine and good, but they were _chilly_.  He shifted a bit lower in the bed so he could press his ear against Ianto’s chest, tucking his head under Ianto’s chin as he listened to his lover’s heartbeat.

“Ianto?”

“Hmmm?”

“What do you think was in that booster that Draco gave me?”

Ianto kissed Jack’s head.  “Well, some might assume from what he said that it was something to carry away your grief, but I think you know better than that.”  He felt Jack nod, but he also felt the tears that had begun to flow, hot against his skin.  “If it is what I think, then it is something to help with the expression of grief, which can sometimes be painful, because of our tendency to fight it.”  He remembered well what his friend had given him, after Lisa.  It had helped the tears and grief that he had been choking on to flow freely, almost easefully.  It had certainly been a relief.

Jack nodded again.  “He’s really gone,” he whispered.

Ianto pulled Jack closer.  “He is.  I’m so sorry.”

“It happened so quickly.  When John showed that picture of him…  I let myself believe we could rescue Gray, and I might have my brother back.”

“That’s only natural.  You looked for him for a long time, after all.”

“And then he…  He was…  He was…”

“Deeply disturbed,” Ianto said quietly, though not unkindly.  It soothed Jack that Ianto was able to say it, without anger or resentment.

“He could have destroyed the city.  He could have killed so many people.”

“But he didn’t, Jack.”  Tosh’s estimation, before Gray came back with that bitch of a gun, was only a few dozen casualties, and eleven deaths, including the four killed at the police headquarters, before the bombings.  Those numbers would surely rise as the city dug out from the bombs, but it really was a miracle it hadn’t been worse. 

Ianto credited Luna entirely for this.

“I know, after what I did to Mary, I have no right to wonder, but… do you think…”

“He didn’t suffer, Jack,” Ianto whispered.  “I doubt he even had a chance to realize what was happening.”  Jack sobbed into his chest, and Ianto held him closer.  “After all he had been through…” he did not finish, knowing any way he finished that thought would hold little comfort for Jack.

“I know it was an accidental mercy,” Jack said.  “That I know of, no one in the future has found a cure for that kind of insanity.  He was just too far gone.”  He sobbed again.  “I never could have saved him.”

“Does that make it easier to accept, or harder?” Ianto asked, after a few moments.  Jack’s grief was ebbing and flowing like a storm-swept sea.

“Both,” Jack breathed.  “I know now why I never found him, in my own past, but I had held out hope…”

“That you could save him somehow, reaching him on the slow path?”

Jack nodded, tears falling freely.  Then he tensed.  “Oh gods, Ianto.  I’m sorry.  This must remind you of Lisa…”

“Shhh,” Ianto soothed, kissing the top of Jack’s head and stroking his back soothingly.  “It’s all right.  It was more straightforward, for me.”

“But was it easier to accept, or harder, when you realized…”

Ianto sighed.  “Both.  It was easier to accept her death, but harder to forgive myself, for the others.”

“But did you?”

Ianto could hear in Jack’s voice the need to know if forgiveness was possible. 

“It’s a work in progress,” Ianto answered honestly.  “Some days I can forgive myself.  Others, I have a more difficult time.”

“Thank you for being honest with me,” Jack whispered.

“Now’s not the time for pretty lies,” Ianto replied, kissing Jack again.

Something about that declaration opened the floodgates, and Jack wept for several hours, giving free rein to his grief.  When he finally calmed, Ianto asked Winky for tea and toast and washed Jack’s face with a cool, damp flannel.  Once they had eaten, they drank their potions and slept again.

***

They woke at mid-afternoon, this time with Ianto watching Jack.  “How do you feel?” the wizard asked as sleepy blue eyes slowly opened.

“I don’t think I’ve slept this much in over a century,” Jack rasped, and Ianto handed him some water.

“It’s good, though, yeah?” Ianto asked.  He was definitely feeling the benefits of some down time.  His body was healed, and while he still felt as though he might come out of his skin at any moment, he felt things slowly settling, in the background.

Jack nodded.

“Tell me about Gray,” Ianto surprised Jack with his quiet request.

It felt nice to remember his kid brother, as he had been.  The more stories he recounted, the more stories Jack found himself remembering.  He vaguely wondered if Ianto was somehow helping him to remember, but he was so caught up in the memories that he did not think to ask. 

As they laughed over childhood antics, Jack found the laughter catching in his chest.  Ianto held him as more tears fell, but they quickly turned in a different direction as Jack spoke of the invasion, becoming angry and agitated.  He climbed from the bed and began pacing.  “It wasn’t like we didn’t know they might come.  Some simple security measures could have…”

“Jack,” Ianto blocked Jack’s path before he could make another circuit of the room.  “Don’t torment yourself with ‘could have’, please.”  He kissed Jack, who was practically vibrating with anger.  In that moment, Ianto knew what Jack needed.  He wrapped his arms around Jack and kissed his neck, feeling his lover tense in his embrace.  “Jack,” he whispered, nipping Jack’s neck.  “My safe word is ‘Starbuck’s’.”

Ianto leaned away from Jack and was treated to the sight of the older man’s eyes darkening with anger and lust and a raw _need_ that had Ianto’s blood hastening in a southerly direction.  He reached out and took Jack by the back of the neck, pulling him in for a fierce kiss that was all heat and teeth and intensity.

Ianto fought Jack, just enough to inflame him, having every intention of submitting to whatever Jack might need, in this moment.  But he felt something electric ignite in his veins, and he did not give Jack an easy time of it. 

Not that Jack wanted ‘easy’.  He needed something quite different, at the moment, and he loved Ianto for being willing to provide it.  He managed to prevail in the small power struggle and wrapped his arms around Ianto and walked him back towards the five-foot round pedestal table. 

As he swept aside the tea service from earlier, sending it crashing to the floor, he idly wondered if the castle had perhaps been built around the huge, heavy table.  He smirked, knowing that its sturdiness would likely come in very handy, in the next few moments.  After that thought, most others fled.  He grasped Ianto by the waist and hoisted him the few inches up onto the table, continuing to kiss him hungrily.

Jack kissed Ianto’s neck, pushing his index and middle fingers in Ianto’s mouth as he sucked a series of love bites down the younger man’s neck, collarbone, and onto his chest.  He groaned as Ianto treated his fingers like a cock, licking and sucking and doing everything in his considerable power to amp up Jack’s lust.  He bit Ianto’s nipple, causing a gasp, then licked over the tender spot before placing a hand at the center of Ianto’s chest and shoving him down onto his back.

Jack lifted Ianto’s legs over his shoulders, leaning his head to the side to bite a muscular calf as his spit-slicked fingers hastily prepared his lover.  After the nightmare experience from six weeks before, he took longer than he might normally in the circumstances, but Ianto growled, “Fuck me now, Jack, or I’ll throw you to the ground and fuck you, instead.”

Jack felt he could trust that Ianto was ready.

He lined up and plunged into Ianto, burying himself to the hilt in one thrust.  Ianto keened as Jack gave a throaty moan.  Jack only hesitated long enough to give Ianto a chance to say something.  When he didn’t, Jack grabbed his lover by the hips and began pounding into him with fierce, powerful strokes.  Ianto was crying out with every thrust, but Jack gave a maniacal grin when he realized it was because he was hammering Ianto’s prostate with every ferocious snap of his hips.

Ianto reached for his cock, but Jack smacked his hand away.  He was so close, and Ianto was a beautiful sight, hard and needy.  His eyes could barely focus on Jack, but there was something fierce and tempestuous burning in them.  He wrapped his own hand around the base of Ianto’s cock as he felt his body quicken.  “Don’t come,” he ground out, and watched Ianto’s eyes widen.  “Want you to fuck me with this,” he gave a squeeze.

Ianto’s entire body was vibrating, and Jack was certain an orgasm was blasting its way through his lover, it just hadn’t caught up to his dick, yet.  His rhythm became erratic as he squeezed Ianto’s cock again.  Ianto’s body spasmed around him, and Jack came shouting a string of curses. 

When he came back to himself, he had to pry his fingers open to release Ianto’s cock from one hand and his hip from the other.  He pulled out with a wince, but couldn’t prevent smiling when he heard Ianto’s whimper at the loss.  He pulled Ianto’s legs down from his shoulder and wrapped them around his waist, then collapsed forward onto Ianto, kissing him greedily.  “You all right?” he asked, checking in.

Ianto leaned up onto one elbow and thrust a hand into Jack’s hair, pulling him closer to kiss him more deeply.  “What’s your word, Jack?” he asked, his voice low and harsh. 

Jack felt a jolt travel down his spine and his cock stirred unexpectedly at the promise in Ianto’s tone.  “TARDIS,” he whispered, then smiled.  “Always a safe place.”

Ianto sat up, continuing to kiss Jack.  He slid from the table, then smoothed Jack’s arms down by his sides as he kissed his way around so he was behind Jack.  Jack shivered at the feel of hot breath on his nape, then a nip. 

Next he knew, Jack was being bodily lifted up onto the table.  He was on his knees in the center of the table, and Ianto was behind him, kneeling between Jack’s legs.  Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack and whispered, “Remember your word, Jack.  I think you might be needing it.”  Jack shuddered. 

Yep, he was hard again.

Ianto licked a broad stripe from Jack’s shoulder, up his neck, to just behind his ear.  Then Jack felt a hand between his shoulder blades, pushing him down so his chest was resting on the table.  He turned his head so his cheek lay on the cool surface.  Ianto’s hands traveled from Jack’s shoulders and down his arms, guiding them out in front of him and placing his hands on the outer edge of the table, bracing him.

Jack moaned.  Ianto leaned back and brought Jack’s knees forward as he moved them rather far apart.  Jack was once more thankful for his flexibility.  Ianto smoothed a hand down Jack’s spine, pushing his rear end towards the table.  Jack’s tackle was almost touching the table, and he idly thought that if this were dirty yoga, he would be in a particularly filthy version of the child’s pose.  He felt open and wanton and gods, he couldn’t wait to see what Ianto was going to do to him, like this.

He did not have to wait long.  Ianto got down from the table, only to lean against it as he licked another broad stripe, this time from Jack’s balls, back over his perineum, flat over his hole, and to the top of his crack.  Jack gave a throaty moan of approval, which earned another lick.  Without further warning, Ianto thrust his tongue into Jack, causing him to shout.  “Fuck!”

He knew not to move his hands, but oh, how he wanted to reach back and grab Ianto by the hair and pull him even closer.  He felt himself slide just a bit sideways towards madness as Ianto used his tongue to open him.  He knew instinctively that he would receive no further preparation, but by all that was holy, this was perfect!

When Ianto pulled away, Jack felt him climb back up onto the table.  He began to rise to meet Ianto to kiss him, to beg him to fuck him.  But he froze when Ianto bit into the nape of his neck, hard.  He moaned again, wondering if Ianto could make him come, just with his teeth and the head of his cock pressed at his opening like some sort of erotic promise.

Ianto bit harder as he pushed into Jack with one long, fluid movement.  Jack wasn’t very open, but the burn was heaven.  Ianto growled around his teeth, still holding Jack against the table as he began thrusting, hard and deep and slow.  He released the bite and kissed Jack’s neck and shoulders as his hands smoothed up Jack’s sides, around his chest and grasped his shoulders, from the front.

He bit into Jack’s shoulder and growled again as he gained purchase with this new hold, and Jack could swear he felt whiskers tickling his shoulder.  He caught a glimpse of Ianto’s arm and noticed it was a bit furrier than normal, but Ianto’s hands, clasping his shoulders firmly, were perfectly normal.  Jack’s hips juddered at the thought of Ianto being so far gone he was partially transfiguring into one of his animagus forms.

He tried to move with his lover, but Ianto was having none of it.  Every time Jack tried to regain some control, Ianto would bite and growl and fuck him harder.  It was driving him wild.  He released his death grip on the table and reached for his cock, aching for any touch, but Ianto intercepted his hand and put it back on the edge of the table.  “No,” he muttered, his voice about an octave lower than normal, and practically _feral_.  Jack felt it down to his balls, and he thought that might be the next best thing to being touched.

“You’re going to come, just from my cock,” Ianto rasped in his hear, licking the sweat that was dripping from behind Jack’s ear and onto his neck. 

“Oh, yeah,” Jack moaned, and he knew he was definitely a goner.

Ianto could _taste_ Jack’s pheromones, and it was driving him wild.  More wild.  He had never felt this power, this hunger, this _need_.  He licked Jack again, causing the older man to shudder.

Jack was quickly coming undone.  He knew he wouldn’t last much longer, not with Ianto _licking_ him and punching the daylights out of his prostrate with every other thrust.  Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw a flash of gold.

And suddenly, Jack was no longer alone in his mind. 

In diving so deeply into Jack’s body, fervently claiming him, Ianto landed in Jack’s mind.  It was a moment of stark intimacy as once more Ianto and Jack danced together at a fundamental level.  All too soon, it was over as Ianto realized what he had done and pulled quickly away.

“No,” Jack mewled at the loss, but soon enough he was chanting the opposite as Ianto’s rhythm sped up. 

Jack felt Ianto’s lips at his ear, and the younger man tipped him over the edge with the words, “You’re mine now, Jack.”

Jack screamed as the world behind his eyelids came alive with flashes of lightning.  His body clamped around Ianto’s and he heard his lover _roar_ as his own climax claimed him.  That sound… it wasn’t entirely human, and Jack felt his cock contract again at the raw intensity of it.

When he was finally spent, Ianto collapsed on top of Jack, breathing so roughly that Jack was concerned he would hyperventilate.  Jack felt Ianto’s heart beating madly against his back.  It took quite a while for both of them to calm. 

Eventually, Ianto stirred.  He kissed Jack’s cheek as he gently withdrew from his body.  Jack immediately felt bereft.  In the next moment, Ianto had a warm flannel and was gently washing Jack.  He helped Jack to sit up and cleaned the front of his body with such tenderness that Jack would have been moved, had he been more coherent.  A fresh flannel was next, running over Jack’s chest and back, cooling his overheated skin. 

Ianto kissed him gently and led him to the bed, helping him to lie down.  He found his wand on the bedside table and a few spells had the table clean and suitable to use for dining, once more.  The tea service was then returned to the tabletop, mended and intact.

Ianto kissed Jack again.  “I need a moment, Jack.  I’m just going to go shower, all right?”

Jack reached out suddenly, panicked.  “Don’t leave me,” he whispered, his tone desperate. 

Ianto blinked.  Then nodded.  He climbed into the bed and gathered Jack into his arms.  “You all right?” he asked. 

Jack realized that Ianto was trembling.  He turned in Ianto’s arms.  “That was… glorious!” he grinned.  His smile faded when he saw the shadows in Ianto’s eyes.  “What is it?”

Ianto looked away.  “Jack, your neck and shoulder… I bit you.  Hard.”

Jack’s hand passed over Ianto’s neck and collarbone.  “You haven’t spotted my handiwork, yet, have you?”

“I think… I might have transfigured… partially.  And I completely violated your trust, using legilimency, without your permission.”  His eyes were wet with unshed tears, now.  “And I have no idea what that was about, telling you…  It was presumptuous, and I wouldn’t blame you if you were offended.”

Jack reached across Ianto and pulled the yellow phial from the night table.  “Drink,” he said.  Once the bottle was stoppered and back on the table, he took Ianto’s face in his hands.  “In the moment, how did it feel?”

Ianto hesitated, but then seemed to bolster himself.  “Completely right and proper,” he said, looking away.

Jack grinned.  “There you go, then.”  He guided Ianto to look at him, again.  “First, I liked the biting.  Second, you didn’t really transfigure.  You got a little furry and growly, but it was _hot_.  Third, you never need permission.  After what we went through… when you remember, you’ll understand.  But in the meantime, just know that it was amazing, feeling you moving in my mind and body, all at the same time.”  He kissed Ianto, who was looking calmer, but baffled at Jack’s understanding.

Jack kept kissing Ianto until some degree of peace had returned to the younger man’s expression.  “And finally,” he pulled Ianto closer when he felt him tense, “you weren’t being presumptuous.  It’s just that some part of you remembers a promise we made, when we were nothing more than magic and vortex dancing in a cloud above our bodies.”  _I’m yours, and you’re mine._   “You were staking your claim, and as I said… it was _glorious_.”

Ianto gave him a bashful smile that had Jack’s heart melting.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jack kissed Ianto’s nose.  “You were a bit undone, yourself.”

Ianto ducked his head.  Was he _blushing_?  “You always do that to me, Jack.”

Jack rubbed his arms.  “How about a quick shower, then some tea and a nap?”

Ianto nodded.  Once they were dressed, Ianto asked Winky for food and tea.  She returned with a savory soup with crusty bread and milky tea.  They were asleep again when she returned for the dishes.

***

Draco tried not to notice the love bites as he looked them over that evening.  Ianto was relieved that Jack’s were all but gone; they had been quite severe.  His own were fading, but not quite as quickly.  Draco and Jack spent a bit of time speculating that Ianto’s body was still acclimating. 

“Or maybe I’m just slower to heal,” Ianto shrugged.  He was grateful for any advanced healing factor, and certainly wasn’t going to complain that it wasn’t as speedy as Jack’s.  “After all, I don’t have as much of the vortex.”

Draco nodded slowly.  “Well, given that Jack isn’t suddenly magical…”  His eyes widened.  “Is he?”  He waved his wand and spoke several incantations.  “Hmm.  Looks like he is, but maybe like a squib who can see Dementors, and such.  Something latent, but not enough to cast.  I suppose time will tell.”

He left more potions and boosters for them and told them to take another day to rest.

***

The next morning was similar to the one before.  They were up at dawn, and Jack spent some time mourning his brother.  Ianto offered to leave him alone for a bit, but Jack preferred to grieve in Ianto’s arms, for now, while everything was so raw.  He knew he would crave solitude later, but for now, this was perfect.

Once they ate, they lay back down, chatting idly until they felt inclined to take the next potion.  Ianto curled into Jack’s side.  “I love how perfectly we fit,” he purred.  “No spare kneecaps or elbows in awkward places.”  Feeling silly, he sighed and quipped, “Only had to die twice to find heaven.”

Jack drew in a deep breath.  “Or maybe seven times,” he whispered.

Ianto went completely still.  Jack was certain that he had even stopped breathing.  He reached around and touched Ianto’s face, pulling him up to face him.  What he saw broke his heart.

Ianto had indeed stopped breathing, for a moment.  But now, he was breathing very fast, panting air out of his lungs as fast as he could draw it in.  He began pushing away from Jack, but his lover was too fast for him.  Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto, and threw a leg over, trapping Ianto’s legs as he struggled.  “Shhh, it’s all right, Love,” he whispered.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have sprung it on you, like that.”

Ianto continued to fight him as the panic attack intensified.  Jack could only marvel that there weren’t lightning bolts crackling around them.  Ianto’s panic attacks could be terrifying, for more than the obvious reasons.  But with his magic anchored, it seemed that this was _just_ a panic attack.  Still not a great thing, and Jack could have kicked himself for setting it off.  Ianto had been having such a happy moment…

He held onto Ianto and whispered calming words and soothing nonsense until the younger man calmed.  When Ianto stopped struggling, Jack released him.  They both sat up, and Jack reached for the booster on the night table.  He handed the phial to Ianto, who obediently drank.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“That was my fault, Ianto.  I’m so sorry.  Our first morning here, Neville let it slip that the wizarding world remembers the Year.  I… I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Ianto nodded, then sniffed.  Jack handed him a tissue from the night table and watched as Ianto wiped his face and blew his nose.  “I never wanted you to know I remembered the Year,” Ianto whispered.

“So I gathered.  But why not?”

“Because you blame yourself if one of us gets a bloody hangnail.  I knew you’d be all tragic and maudlin about what happened.”

“It’s how I process,” Jack said defensively.

Ianto snorted a chuckle.  “I’m sorry.  Maybe I should have said something.  But you just wanted to get past it.  And I needed to do the same.  And after a while, it seemed like it was just too late to mention it.”

“I get that.”  Jack blew out a breath.  “Will you let me apologize?”

“For what?” Ianto turned and looked at Jack.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.  You were in an impossible situation, and I will _not_ have you apologize for that monster’s actions.”  Ianto straddled Jack’s hips and took his face in his hands.  “Tell me you understand that you were not to blame for what he forced you to do.”

Jack couldn’t look away from the expression in Ianto’s eyes.  It was fierce.  And protective.  And it was going to brook no arguments.  “Never blame the victim?” Jack cringed.  He _hated_ being the victim.

“Only blame the responsible,” Ianto corrected, and Jack loved him for shifting the focus.

Jack stirred uncomfortably.  “Three UNIT guards were brought up on charges for war crimes, from the Year.  They had been on the _Valiant_ when time reversed, so they remembered what had happened, had tried to run.  Someone hunted them down.  Turned them in.  Bore witness.  Would you know anything about that, Ianto?”

Ianto gathered Jack into his arms.  “If I’d been able to carry my wand, they would have known the _cruciatus_ curse before they tasted the _avada kedavra_.  And I wouldn’t have lost a wink of sleep over it.”

Ianto’s voice had gone so cold and wrathful that Jack shivered, not doubting his words.  When Ianto’s magic began unspooling under the Master’s torture, the three men in question had raped Jack when they weren’t able to get close enough to Ianto to do so.  Jack was glad Ianto hadn’t killed them – it wasn’t in the wizard’s nature, and he didn’t want that to change.  As it was, they had each been beaten within an inch of their lives before they were turned in.  Jack had been relieved that they had been taken into custody and prosecuted, but he had always wondered who had run them to ground, and why the charges had been so thoroughly redacted that even Tosh couldn’t get the full story.

“Ianto Jones, my hero,” Jack whispered into his lover’s chest.

“Can’t let you have _all_ the fun,” he quipped. 

Jack heard the slight slur in Ianto’s words.  He pulled out of Ianto’s embrace and reached for their potions.  “I’m sorry I sprang it on you, like that,” he said ruefully as they lay back down.

“I’m glad you know, now,” Ianto yawned.  “No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” Jack whispered.  As Ianto gave a purr and surrendered to sleep, he added, “Just stories left to tell.”

***


End file.
